Breaking the Mold (Part 1)

Resisting Conformity and Embracing a Renewed Mind

Breaking the Mold: Resisting Conformity and Embracing a Renewed Mind

To fly, you will need a high-performing pair of wings. First, you must resist conformity of thought. Second, you must harness the energy of a renewed mind.

This first post concerns the first wing. The next will address the second wing.

THINKING FOR YOURSELF

Did your parents or grandparents ever say to you, "Think for yourself"?

In my case, it was to combat groupthink and to keep me on the straight and narrow. In other words, it was to ensure I thought like them.

And they were right.

Let me explain by analogy. Most of us learned to ride a bike with our dad or mom (as in my case) holding the seat and running alongside while we got started. They would let go, and you would probably fall. Then you would repeat the process. The goal wasn’t that you would always need them running alongside. The goal was to get you going so you could ride on your own.

Similarly, parents are there to help us (as best they can) get going. However, at some point, the responsibility to think for ourselves becomes an essential part of our personal growth. You can’t blame anyone else for the choices you make. In other words, self-discipline should eventually replace parental discipline. Similarly, self-discipline in thought should be the ultimate goal once we outgrow the training wheels.

Easier said than done.

Many of us struggle with voices in our heads—of parents, coaches, bullies, teachers—that planted some sort of negative seed in our minds as children. This is a struggle within, one of the faces of our so-called inner critic.

Forces that Shape Our Modern Minds

Are you on Insta? That’s how familiar we are with social media: we don’t even have to use the whole name—Instagram—to know what we’re talking about. If you’re trying to sell a product, services, or ideas, you’re on Insta trying to sell, influence, and persuade. The lines between reality and a well-filtered Instagram post blur by the minute, and resisting conformity has become a full-time job.

An ancient wise man offered these words that have served me for four decades: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world.”

But what exactly are these patterns? Let’s take a light-hearted (yet slightly serious) look at the modern forces trying to mold our minds into something a little too cookie-cutter for comfort.

1. Consumerism: The Never-Ending Shopping Spree

Consumerism—where the mantra is “Buy more, live more!” We’ve all been there, entranced by that limited-time sale on something we never knew we needed. Imagine the typical consumer watching YouTube. He didn’t know he needed a juicer with 17 different settings until he saw it on sale for 50% off. Now, he’s the proud owner of a gadget that takes up half his kitchen and produces juice once every two months.

Consumerism teaches us that happiness can be bought... if you have the right coupon. But does that juicer really juice up our souls? Maybe not. The pattern of consumerism would have us believe that more stuff equals more happiness, but deep down, we know that’s just the juice talking.

Ask yourself, Am I letting the cultural forces of consumerism do my thinking for me?

I taught my kids as they grew up, if someone says you need to decide right now in order to get the deal, the answer is always, "No." I suggest you prepare your family the same way.

2. Social Media Influence: Keeping Up with the Digital Joneses

Remember when socializing meant actually talking to people? Now, it’s all about “likes” and “follows.” Social media has turned us into modern-day alchemists, constantly trying to turn our mundane lives into digital gold. Imagine the social media “influencer,” who spent an hour arranging her avocado toast just right for that perfect brunch post. She got 200 likes but missed out on a real conversation with her friend across the table.

The pattern of social media influence pressures us to present a picture-perfect life, but in reality, we’re all just trying to get the dog to sit still long enough for the shot.

Ask yourself, Am I letting the social media shape my feelings about myself and my life?

3. Political Polarization: The Red and Blue Tug-of-War

It’s not just Thanksgiving dinner where politics divides the room anymore; it’s every day, everywhere. You either pick a side or risk being tossed out like yesterday’s mashed potatoes. But when did having a nuanced opinion become a cardinal sin?

I have moved from one side of the aisle to another over the course of three decades, while never identifying with either. In fact, I occasionally argue the side I don’t believe, if I think the conversation is lopsided. I refuse to believe my friends on the opposite side of an issue are evil, even though I sometimes think a particular position or worldview tends in that direction. Think for yourself and let others think for themselves. Challenge any opinion, but don’t demonize the person who holds it. Will Thanksgiving ever be the same again?

Ask yourself, Am I always angry and is that a sign that I’m letting outside forces shape my thinking?

4. Cultural Relativism: Everything is True, or is it?

In today’s world, the only absolute truth is that there are no absolute truths—or so cultural relativism would have us believe. If everything is right, then nothing is wrong, and moral compasses are about as useful as GPS without signal. Is stealing Wi-Fi from our neighbor ethically wrong or just a modern survival tactic? The pattern of cultural relativism might free us from judgment, but it also leaves us wondering if anything truly matters. Sometimes, it’s okay to call a spade a spade... or at least a Wi-Fi thief a Wi-Fi thief.

Ask yourself, Am I justifying things I know are wrong?

5. Technological Distraction: The Endless Notification Ping

Remember the days when people stared into the distance, pondering life’s mysteries? Now we stare at our phones, pondering whether to watch another cat video or respond to that email. Technological distractions are everywhere, buzzing, beeping, and begging for attention. Every week, I meet someone who damaged their phone while using it on the toilet.

Is your technology at your service? Or, do you exist to serve your technology? Observe yourself next time you hear the ding, and you’ll know. Give yourself some space. I mean, really?

Ask yourself, Do I even recognize myself and my subservience to a gadget I carry in my pocket?

6. Cancel Culture: The Social Guillotine

In a world where opinions are sharper than ever, saying the wrong thing can lead to instant exile. Cancel culture has turned the art of disagreement into a spectator sport where the stakes are high, and the consequences are swift. Remember James Damore? He was the Google engineer who was fired in 2017 after he wrote and circulated a memo titled "Google's Ideological Echo Chamber." The memo criticized Google's diversity programs and argued that biological differences between men and women might partly explain why fewer women work in tech and leadership positions.

Or how about Lisa Littman? She was an assistant professor of behavioral and social sciences at Brown University who was censured. In 2018, Littman published a controversial paper in the journal PLOS One on what she termed "rapid-onset gender dysphoria" (ROGD). The paper suggested that social factors, including peer influence and online content, could contribute to a sudden identification with gender dysphoria in adolescents, particularly among teenage girls.

I’ll bet you’ve probably experienced this at your job. The pattern of cancel culture demands conformity to popular opinion or risk social extinction. But what if we dared to disagree without dismemberment? Pineapple might belong on pizza, after all. (Or not, depending on who’s reading this.)

Ask yourself, Am I letting fear of the political thought police do my thinking for me?

7. Corporate Pressures: Climbing the Ladder, Missing the View

We’ve all heard the phrase “climbing the corporate ladder,” but has anyone stopped to notice that the ladder is on fire? In the race to the top, we often forget why we started climbing in the first place. Couple this with the decreased desire on the part of many young adults to have children, and we’re looking at a future filled with lonely people. The pattern of corporate pressure convinces us that success is measured by titles and paychecks, but in the end, we might just find ourselves king of the hill... and entirely alone at the summit.

Ask yourself, Am I letting the hype around success do my thinking for me?

Conclusion: Breaking Free from the Mold

So, there you have it—seven modern-day forces that seek to shape our thinking and conform us to the patterns of this world. But just because these forces are strong doesn’t mean they’re unbeatable. Like a good plot twist in a movie, we can surprise everyone (even ourselves) by breaking free from these molds. Whether it’s choosing substance over style, dialogue over division, or faith over fleeting trends, the power to resist conformity lies within each of us. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a juicer to return.

(Part 2: harnessing the energy of renewed thinking is coming up… stay tuned, or subscribe!)